i think you can tell a lot about a person by the kinds of photos they post. it's like a strange portal into the way they're seeing the world around them at any given moment. every now and then i examine my own photos to see where my soul is; what i have my eyes opened or closed to. i notice that when i am going through something hard or challenging, when i am rediscovering parts of my soul, i tend to post a lot of photos of myself.. of me from different times in my life in different phases of growth. it's almost like i'm trying to remember some part of me that i seem to have let wander too far, and it is my strange way of reeling it back in, of remembering it. i've been doing this a lot lately and i think it is directly related to the fact that i am going through a great transition right now. i am shedding layers and growing new ones. life is not always kind when flushing out those things we need not hold onto anymore. i am remembering hidden away pieces of my self, of my soul, that seemed to have shrunk over the years. it is hard work, the uncovering of self. the digging up of lost relics of our most beautiful parts and piecing them back together so they can function again. so they can function more beautifully and wholly.
i remember when i was coming out of a very dark time in my life, one buried in the weight of depression, my brother saying to me, 'your photos have been so beautiful lately. it's like your seeing the world around you again for the first time.' i hadn't even realized until he'd said that that the photos i had been posting were of the world around me rather that within me. i was finally looking up. i was seeing the ocean and the sky and the sun again and i could barely take it. i wanted to absorb it in every way possible.
i think it's ok to have these different phases. ones of self reflection and inward focus. they are just as necessary for growth as the ones where we are looking upward and outward. i sometimes forget that i might not see the brightness of the sun as clearly if not for the days spent wandering aimlessly about in my own misunderstandings and sloppy self discovery. just some things i am thinking as i lay here sifting through old photos and remembering who i am..