this song is special for a couple of reasons. not only is victor (sun glitters) one of my favorite people to work with, but this song was one of the first songs i ever wrote.
when i first moved to LA almost eight years ago i, like most 20 something’s trying to figure out life, was a bit of a mess. i had no idea what i was doing, who i wanted to be, or really how to navigate through life in a way that was at all productive. so, naturally, i started spending more and more hours avoiding life by playing the guitar and attempting to make songs. somehow it helped me make sense of life. of myself.
somewhere in the midst of that first year, i had fallen in love for the first time and when it all ended i found myself writing a lot more. ’when i’m happy’ was probably the first song i ever wrote and recorded on my laptop all by myself at home one night. i’d had this moment, still heart broken after losing my first love, sitting at the waters edge by the ocean as the sun went down.. all my closest friends roasting marshmallows over a bonfire on the beach and laughing, where i was just happy. just completely and utterly happy in that moment. and it was in that moment of pure happiness that i realized the one person i wanted to share it with the most wasn’t there to share it with me. i always seemed to miss him the most when i was happy.
i never did anything with the song because well.. it was pretty danged depressing for one, and two it wasn’t that great of a song. haha.. so, when i was working on this album i came across the old vocal stems i had for this and thought if anyone could turn this song into what it was always supposed to be, it would be victor. his music has always been both dark and light all at the same time. and what he came up with for these lyrics ended up wrapping all those feelings of joy and pain into one beautiful ebb and flow of sound.
i still have moments like those, when i’m happy and all the people and things i am most thankful for come rushing to the front of my mind..
when i’m happy (w/ sun glitters) by steffaloo