have you ever held someone’s hand and felt your soul slowly slip and melt right through their fingertips until, eventually, you forgot you even had a hand in the first place? the next time it happens, remember it. remember it. you told me that all the time. ‘remember it.’ this. now. and i did so much remembering that i forgot where to even put my thoughts, where to let all those flickering moments land.. and eventually i just forgot. but we loved each other. i remember that. i remember all the twisting, bursting, desirous ways your heart and mine danced with one another.. like sweet melodies getting lost in summer.

i wrote the above some years ago. i found it in an email that a friend sent to me and now that's the only place it exists because i just accidentally deleted my entire tumblr account in which all of the things i've written over the past 10 years used to exist. i feel like a small part of my soul has been lost. i know that sounds extremely dramatic, but if you're a writer of any kind you'll understand why this is such a huge loss. i wrote some of the most important things in my life experience thus far on that site. my great loves. my great losses. moments where i realized some part of who i was and changed forever. the feeling that came with that realization. it's just all gone now.. floating somewhere in oblivion and i guess all i can do now is let go.  letting go is so hard..