the other night i listened to a bunch of old songs i'd written. they were songs i wrote when i first to moved to LA and i was all twisty and dark inside. i didn't really know how to play the guitar at all back then and most of the things i wrote were poems and prose that i then put into these weirdly constructed songs. back then i didn't really think much about it. about what i was doing or what i was singing or what the words meant. i just knew if i didn't do it i might die inside. i was depressed. i was unhealthy. i was broken and mostly always falling apart. but damn, being that busted really made for some good writing. as i listened to these old pieces of myself i realized that i don't really know how to write from the place i am in now. a place of joy and contentment. happiness. health. wholeness. i want to be shattered by those feelings just as much as i was shattered by the bad ones. i want to write just as joyously as i was able to write about my pain. maybe it's easier to sing about the hard things though, because then you don't necessarily have to talk about them. talking about happiness isn't as difficult. and i guess if that's true then i'm ok getting out all of the hard stuff this way.