well, me and zac are managing to continue our art signaling just brilliantly, and here is what i came up with this week.  go check out zac’s at art signals.  our theme was ‘man and machine’.. whatchu know about that?!  i don’t know why i just said that last part, but i pretty much just hated myself for that.  

robots.. technology.. humans.. who. made. who. ??

beep boop bop boop.  here is a roboty song (please read all of the previous in robot voice)

xxzxcuzxme//crystal castles

sometimes, i feel like this is what hope feels like.  brutal.  wretched.  but leaves you feeling gloriously human and violently alive.

god, we were acting like a bunch of high schoolers.  smoking in my car in the parking lot of mcdonalds out of a homemade bong; all of our bodies crumbling on top of one another, twisting around seats and stick shifts and steering wheels to try to form a circle, some kind of bond.  we laughed at the absurdity of it all.  we laughed at each other.  we laughed like we were doing something we weren’t supposed to; like maybe it had the chance of irreparably fucking some small part of our lives up if we were caught.  we laughed because we knew it didn’t matter.  nothing mattered.  and it rained outside.  it never rained.  and all the windows fogged up until we couldn’t see anything.  my finger tip wrote out slow and cold, ”i see you” on the driver side window, but no one saw.  and when it came to my turn i stumbled to know how to make my hands do what i wanted them to.  nothing worked right.  goddamn, and we just didn’t care.  i looked in your eyes and felt like i could see so far into your soul that i might just shatter right there in the front seat.  you’d have to scrape me up in piles to get me to move from here.  we just all loved each other so much.  and i started to wonder if any of this was even real; if it was love i was really feeling or if i was just so void of all feeling that it seemed like i could be anything i wanted.  love.  hate.  happy.  hopeful.  it was all me sitting there, nothing, like i was trapped between a pair of quotation marks just waiting to be filled.  we weren’t laughing anymore.  our bodies were cold but we didn’t want to move.  so we just sat there.  and we let slight smiles creep from our faces and we knew that we were alive.  and that was enough.

we were acting like such real human beings.  honest.  happy.  fucked up.  hopeless.  and we laughed again as we lit our cigarettes and felt our lives slipping away with the rain.

my ovaries hurt like a bitch today. is that too much information? well, welcome to being a woman i guess. it’s a fact of life. blood makes me squeemish. okay. now, that’s too much information. life really is such a miracle though. i guess i think about that at least once a month… when i’m curled in the fetal position writhing in pain. ha. it’s just the thought of having my body someday holding and reproducing a living human that just completely shatters my mind space. i was reading an article today that said it was most likely possible that the human species was on the brink of extinction some 70,000 odd years ago. it said that at one point there were only about 2,000 humans left, living in africa. somehow they saved the human race and procreated, which leads us to our now booming population of around 8 billion living on planet earth? fascinating. also, they (and by they, i mean like scientists and stuff) said that they have traced the human genetic codes back to a single ‘mitochondrial eve’ from which we all sprang. seriously though, life is possibly the single most wondrous thing to be.

i have to go to a meeting now. please hold…

okay. now i’m in a computer lab being trained on how to set up new vendors. i feel like i’m back in college. i had this journalism class my junior year; i was so good at writing what i had to that i always finished before everyone else, and so i would spend half the class emailing and writing friends on aim. as good as my stuff was, i still managed to get only a ‘c’ in that class. maybe i wasn’t as good as i thought. too bad.

anyway. i was reading this other article today, i did a lot of reading, and it was talking about the brightest places on earth from outer space. naturally, las vegas came in first on that one. then it talked about how these bright places are cause for ‘light pollution’. basically, we generate an extra 38 million tons of carbon dioxide a year into the air by shining lights up towards heaven, rather than just at the things we need lit. seems to me we do this in a lot of ways when it comes to life. we shine pointless light towards things that lead nowhere, when really, if we conserved our energy and pointed it on the things that really mattered, we would see things a lot more clear. makes sense to me. and it doesn’t seem like much of a coincidence that las vegas is the place wasting the most light. and i thank you; whoever you are for shedding light on this part of life.

life on earth is strange. how we live on this massive ball of earth sometimes baffles me. but again, the mere thought of life being possible at all boggles my existence.

thank you. and goodnight.