1. I hope nobody ever asks me what inspires me. Because that’s a stupid fucking question. There’s no answer to it. Nothing inspires me. Because it doesn’t take inspiration to create, to live, to destroy, to do. Anything and everything you want to bring into fruition is already within you. And it’s not a matter of calling it forth or waiting for something to sail into your life to open the doors of possibility. It’s a matter of being confident enough to just put what you need to into words, pictures, notes, or handshakes. A sturdy handshake is just as beautiful as piano concerto.

    If it was a matter of inspiration, we’d all be sitting with our heads out the window waiting for signs that we were supposed to begin. We were born! Begin! The only inspiration should be the fact that your stupid, fat heart is beating.

    http://onlinejournals.tumblr.com/post/564917317
    April 23, 2012

  2. tonight i miss everyone. and i wonder how it’s possible to love someone so much that my heart actually hurts. but it is. somehow. and all i want to do is be with the people that make my heart hurt the worst when i’m not with them.

    April 6, 2011

  3. foto friday

    in honor of valentines day…  

    February 11, 2011

  4. sometimes i wish i could climb inside of lifes aorta and just see what it is that’s really keeping us all alive. i have these brief moments where i feel as if i’m walking around with a bullet wound in my chest. it gets hard to breathe. the space i occupy gets all murky. my arms and legs feel too cumbersome for my own body. the people around me gasp and clamour, and i’m just there.. just wondering where this huge hole came from. but it passes, eventually, and i’m right back to living and breathing and being so wildly in love with everything around me. there’s a strange forever in the heart of life.. a strange force that breaks up any bullet trying to make it’s way through me.

    February 6, 2011

  5. see you soon. 

    November 23, 2010

  6. i think i just blacked out for a second.  i stopped existing.  at least here at this desk.  i’m so unmotivated.  all i can think of is open fields and bubbling clouds.  oozing music.  something like dancing and running and flying.  i’ve got to get out of here.  i’m restless.  there are things on my mind.  lots of things.  just sinking their toes into the cracks and crevasses of my ever wandering brain surface.  my eyes are violent with all this beauty around me.  violent in the most fantastic kind of way.  but then my skin rips off and i’m feeling all this.. all this ‘this’ in the most raw way possible.  if i could just stop and let my heart have a moment to forget for a little.  or remember.  to let it just run a while.  yes.. just run.  run run run..        

     

    (picture taken by pq)      

    November 16, 2010
  7. at last, i got three rolls of film back today.  now i can breathe again.   lately, i’ve been bursting at the seams.  i can’t seem to contain this creative fire in me and all i want to do is fling myself with arms spread wide right out of my boss’ office window.  my skin feels too tight.  i need to get out of here and run wild for a little or i think i just might crumble into a thousand blinding pieces.  but for now.. for now these little pictures will hold me over.  i’ll stare at them because they take me back to that moment of pure bliss, where my skin wasn’t ripping and my heart was screaming.
    High Res

    at last, i got three rolls of film back today.  now i can breathe again.  

    lately, i’ve been bursting at the seams.  i can’t seem to contain this creative fire in me and all i want to do is fling myself with arms spread wide right out of my boss’ office window.  my skin feels too tight.  i need to get out of here and run wild for a little or i think i just might crumble into a thousand blinding pieces.  but for now.. for now these little pictures will hold me over.  i’ll stare at them because they take me back to that moment of pure bliss, where my skin wasn’t ripping and my heart was screaming.

    October 14, 2010
  8. [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

    “my heart beats (mp3)”

    i don’t know if it’s possible, but i swear i felt my heart grow a little bit in my sleep last night.  and here it comes rushing in all over again.  that feeling.. i’m alive.  you get between my eyes and my thoughts are turned to liquid.  you fall asleep inside my brain.  and with heart in hand we move together, wrapping ourselves up and down around each note, in between chords and through each tearing line.  i think i’m in love.      

    October 6, 2010

  9. i’d like to fall asleep inside of your brain; inside of your heart. i’d just like all of you, really. all of your goddamn beautiful soul. i want to gather as much of you up as i possibly can and just devour every piece of you. i miss you till my guts ache. you. whoever ‘you’ are.

    September 27, 2010

  10. and there goes my heart again.. swallowing me up completely.

    September 17, 2010