it finally feels like summer now that summer is ending. those kind of nights where the air is so perfectly warm and cool at the same time that you somehow just melt right into them. i wish sometimes that i could just bottle it all up, all this wonder, all this summer, all this happiness, and keep it in a jar next to my bed. things never seem to last. i’ve got to take all this beauty and burn it deep into my soul, go to sleep and pray that it’s still with me when i wake up in the morning.

i’ve got no words these days.  so it’s just pictures for a while.  pictures of things i can’t seem to know how to say.  pictures like those times i’d lay next to you, writing words on your back with my finger and you guessing them right every time.  pictures like riding in the car with the windows down when it’s freezing outside, blowing smoke out into the darkness and just being happy.  pictures like that moment right before getting out from under the covers in the morning, right before you know you’ll be smacked across the skin with the cold air that’s been hanging in the room overnight.  pictures like not knowing where arms and legs begin, being tangled together in the most violent of ways.  pictures like being alone, like being so happy i could burst, like being just.. alive.  pictures like words.. just words that i’m trying to say but can’t get out.  just pictures.      

“wild city”

we were just sitting there, all crunched together on mattresses and in between couches and pillows.  our minds dancing like they always do when we’re together.  and we talked about brain rests.  ”what’s a brian rest?” “you know, it’s like sometimes i just wish i could rest my brain.. just turn it off for a little bit.”  so we all hung our heads and stared into the nothingness in front of us and let our brains rest.   a fire blazed in the fireplace, even though we didn’t know how to light the pilot.  it kept us warm as the rain fell softly outside.  our happiness kept us warm.  and we sat there until our brains couldn’t keep us awake any longer; until we slowly trickled to bed.  

and i lay there nestled between the edge of the mattress and the bottom of the couch, my mind painting a million things on the insides of my head.  tall trees stretched up from the silhouette of a city.  they were floating, rising from the concrete and melting into the sky.  dark black lines lay behind them.  and i smiled as my brain kept on going.. just painting and painting and there i lay, happy as could be.

—-

i’m not one to have many ‘visions’ as it were.. ok, that’s not entirely true, nonetheless, the above painting is one said vision i had one night while having my heart exploded with people i love dearly.  it was one of the greatest things my mind had ever painted at the time.  i hadn’t seemed to be able to get this image out of my mind, and so i got it out.. literally.  it’s funny, because while i saw this as a painting, i drew it first and almost like the drawing better.  as i was painting this, and thinking about what to call it, i thought of the line from kind charles’ song love lust that says- ‘whether i’m hiding in the city or i’m tearing through the wild’.. and this vision seems to fit those words quite perfectly.

i think maybe the people i was with that night conjured this in me, for they are some of the only people on earth who know where to find me, whether i’m hiding in the city or tearing through the wild..    

king charles//love lust