you just got destroyed again.  you’re head is still intact.  i think it might have just exploded last night.  you couldn’t even feel the rest of your body you know, not even your cold feet.  but the pictures in the back of your thoughts still showed up nice and bright, smashing against the sides of your skull.  what is with the insides of that head of yours, anyway?  but you’re still alive.  still breathing.  still beating.  still seeing.  you’re awake.  you’re not in love, but you just might be.. with everything.  is that even love?  you love love.  you’re not alone.  it’s just another day.  you don’t know much, but these things you know are true.  now get up.

that’s what i woke up thinking to myself this morning.  and no, i don’t usually talk in second person.  i’ve been all out of sorts today.  last night i had the migraine to end all migraines.  i wonder sometimes if my migraines are physical manifestations of what’s going on mentally or emotionally in me.  like maybe trying to reign in all these wild, half processed, tangled thoughts of mine into something sensible is just too much for my head and heart to handle.  i doubt it, but it’s a possibility.  it sure does shut me up for a few days though.  writhing face down in the corner of your bed can shut you up pretty good.

and in the quiet i always see the same things.  funny how such joy and such pain could exist in this very same spot.  we walk away with bigger hearts, but we’ve bruised them all up with each other.  and such truth on our lips, our mouths working so earnestly together, and we still don’t know what we really want to say.  tangled limbs, trying to find our ways around all of this.  none of this makes sense.  and curled up in a little ball, i’ll revisit it all by myself.  my head screaming in agony each time i breathe in.  out.

and summer’s bursting at the seams.  i need those long nights where the sun goes down at 8pm and the windows blow soft air over my uncovered skin.  i need bright colors and loud smiles and soaring hearts.. all running through my veins.

now get up.

needle in the hay//elliot smith