sometimes i wish life had a way of letting me know when something was going to be the last.. the last time i’d play that game or the last time i’d hear that song. the last time i’d see that smile or the last time i’d remember how that person I loved smelled. the last time we’d kiss each other or the last time i’d feel cold and warm at the same time just because we were existing together. and i wonder, if there was a way of knowing, if i’d appreciate that moment more, or if i’d make it mean less so that it wouldn’t hurt as much.

sometimes i wish i could just know. but i also know that it wouldn’t change much. it’d still hurt. i’d still appreciate it looking back. and i’ve seen that not knowing forces me to just sit in it for a bit when things do end. and i’m able to see just how much it all really meant to me. and my heart both bursts and breaks all at the same time. and i’m so very thankful for it all.. i am thankful for those last times, and the not knowing. because it’s the last times that i’ll always remember.